Dan.

Posted on by

What would you do if a half-naked skinny white guy named Dan knocked on your door at 5:30 AM when it was 8 degrees outside and the ground was covered by several inches of snow?

Well, he was only wearing a pair of boxers, and maybe some socks. It was 8 degrees outside, but according to the wind-chill, it’s supposed to feel more like -3 degrees.

After letting my two Rottweiler-Shepherd’s say hello through the window of the door, I cracked the door open just enough to say “Dude, what’s going on??” The whole time letting Eko and Cheyenne poke their noses through the crack in the door.

At this point, I realized that this guy was starting to take on a nice shade of blue, and probably was shaking from a combination of the early stages of hypothermia and fear that he was going to be devoured by a couple of unhappy sleep deprived 90 pound dogs.

After realizing that maybe he knocked on the wrong door at 5:30 in the morning, he asked “ummm, can I borrow your phone? I need to call a friend.”

“What happened??” I asked.

“I got jumped down the street. Do you have a shirt I can borrow?”

“What’s your name?”

After a bit of a pause, he answered “Dan.”

So, I told “Dan” to hang on a second.

Of course, I already had the phone in hand. As I was dialing 911, I rushed to the closet and grabbed a towel that he could wrap around himself.

I made sure the door was closed and locked, and the dogs were keeping him company at the window.

I would love to hear the recording of my emergency call, because I think it sounded something like this:

First, there would be a lot of barking in the background of the call.

“This is the operator, where is the emergency?”

“Um, hi, yeah, um, it’s at (enter my home address here). umm, there’s a skinny-white guy standing on my porch wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. He’s asking to use my phone to call a friend. I’m not giving him my phone, and I’m definitely not leaving some half naked guy in my house. Can you send someone over here right away to help me out.”

“What’s his name?”

“Umm, he says it’s Dan.”

“Is he wearing any shoes??”

“I don’t know! It’s dark outside!”

I would have preferred the operator say something like “Help is on the WAY!” but no, I get “Is he wearing shoes?” WTF??

So, by now I’m back at the door giving “Dan” a towel that really isn’t going to do him a damn bit of good. It’s 8 degrees outside, and I’ve just handed him a 3 X 4 foot towel that seems a bit thin. It always seemed plenty big when I would hop out of the shower to dry off, but somehow it seemed a little lacking when it was being used to cover up a nearly 6 foot tall half-naked skinny guy who was slowly freezing to death.

Sucks to be him.

He looked at me and said “thanks” and then asked if he could use the phone again, which he can clearly see that I am talking on.

I told him “no worries, I am getting you some help.”

He then asked me “Do you know Dan Tyler?”

“Is your name Dan Tyler?” I asked back. I think I got a nod to this one, so I told the guy on the emergency line.

Then he asked “Can I come in?” obviously his sanity is starting to slip at this point, because my dogs are still trying to say hello with all of the barking and jumping and trying to get through the crack of the door to “greet him.”

I give him a simple “umm, I don’t think that’s a good idea, my dogs wouldn’t like it much.”

He gave me what looked like a disappointed nod. Obviously being half naked wearing nothing but boxers and crappy little towel in what feels like -3 degrees outside will start to conquer your fear of big dogs.

At some point, he actually realized that I was talking to someone on the phone. “Who are you talking to?”

“I’m just getting you some help.” I told him.

I think there was a little bit more idle chit chat at this point while I was praying for the police to get here. I’m pretty sure he asked me for a shirt again too. It was starting to worry me that he was willing to brave the dogs to get out of the cold.

Luckily within another minute or so, I saw a squad car roll by the house. Then I noticed several people on the street heading our way, including a K9 patrol. I closed the door again, and ran back and locked the dogs in the hallway. I was back to the door in under 30 seconds and the guy was gone. I peered through the window and could see him squatting down on the porch hunched into a ball trying to warm up, and maybe hide. I’m not sure. Right then the police threw a spotlight on him and asked him to step down from the porch, hands on their weapons, and K9 ready to jump. He slowly walked down the steps and was put into the back of a squad car.

Then I heard the emergency operator mumble something about them looking for someone and if they had him in hand, he would hang up now. Which was fine, since at this point I had forgotten I was even on the phone. Then I heard one of the officers say something outside about how he must have been hiding on my porch.

Little did I know, but there was a man-hunt for a half-naked skinny white guy going on in my neighborhood, and I got to be a part of it. That explains how 4 squad cars and 2 ominous looking black SUV’s appeared in front of my house in under 5 minutes.

I think I deserve some kind of award. Maybe a little trophy of a frozen white guy with ice-cycles hanging off his…anyway, what a great way to wake up.

Oh yeah, the dude stole my towel too.

2008 is going to be an strange year.

385 thoughts on “Dan.”

  6. I wish to convey my passion for your kind-heartedness giving support to visitors who should have help on in this area of interest. Your special commitment to passing the solution up and down had been extremely invaluable and have all the time allowed people just like me to realize their pursuits. Your new valuable facts means a whole lot a person like me and especially to my fellow workers. Thank you; from each one of us.

  7. I’m commenting to make you understand of the fabulous discovery my wife’s girl enjoyed reading yuor web blog. She came to find a good number of pieces, which included what it is like to possess a very effective helping spirit to have other people clearly thoroughly grasp certain complex subject matter. You undoubtedly exceeded my expectations. I appreciate you for presenting those useful, trustworthy, explanatory and even fun tips on your topic to Julie.

  20. I want to convey my admiration for your generosity giving support to individuals who must have help on in this issue. Your special dedication to getting the message all-around became certainly good and has truly allowed others like me to reach their desired goals. Your own invaluable guidelines means a great deal a person like me and extremely more to my colleagues. Thanks a lot; from everyone of us.

  21. A lot of thanks for all your valuable effort on this web site. Ellie take interest in managing investigations and it’s easy to understand why. All of us know all concerning the lively tactic you provide simple things via your web site and therefore inspire contribution from people on that point and my child is without question learning a lot. Enjoy the rest of the year. You’re the one doing a tremendous job.

  22. Thank you for all your hard work on this website. My mom enjoys managing research and it’s really simple to grasp why. We know all concerning the lively means you present valuable thoughts by means of the blog and as well increase contribution from other people on that idea so my girl has always been learning a lot. Have fun with the rest of the year. You are always performing a fantastic job.

  23. I’m just commenting to let you know of the superb experience our daughter enjoyed browsing your site. She even learned lots of things, which included how it is like to have an ideal teaching mindset to get other people without problems fully understand specific complex things. You actually exceeded readers’ expected results. Thank you for presenting the effective, trustworthy, educational and as well as easy tips about your topic to Gloria.

  24. My husband and i have been quite excited that Michael managed to finish off his homework out of the ideas he discovered while using the site. It is now and again perplexing to simply possibly be releasing solutions which people today have been selling. And we consider we now have the website owner to thank for this. These explanations you have made, the easy blog navigation, the friendships your site aid to create – it’s many sensational, and it’s assisting our son in addition to us recognize that the situation is brilliant, which is certainly extraordinarily essential. Thank you for everything!

  27. I simply needed to say thanks once more. I do not know the things that I could possibly have achieved without the type of ways contributed by you about that area of interest. It was the traumatic difficulty for me personally, but understanding a new expert mode you handled the issue took me to cry over happiness. I’m thankful for this help and in addition wish you know what an amazing job you have been putting in educating other individuals through your blog. I’m certain you have never met any of us.

  28. I simply needed to thank you very much again. I’m not certain the things I would have taken care of without the opinions shared by you on my problem. It became a traumatic scenario in my view, however , coming across this expert form you solved the issue made me to cry with delight. I’m grateful for this guidance and then hope you are aware of an amazing job you are undertaking educating the rest via your web blog. I’m certain you haven’t got to know all of us.

  33. Jaidits and his nourisher actual on 465 dollars a month – this is the subsistence the kids receives. A colossal quota of this notes goes to medicines and supplies, the holder to dress utility bills and food. The family has no shekels for rehabilitation. The situation is a small rescued by means of the videos, which are filmed and published nearby the canadian pharmaceuticals online rehabilitation center.

  34. I definitely wanted to construct a quick message to be able to say thanks to you for the splendid tips and hints you are giving at this site. My considerable internet search has at the end of the day been compensated with reliable facts to go over with my visitors. I ‘d say that many of us readers actually are really endowed to dwell in a decent website with so many brilliant people with useful tricks. I feel somewhat privileged to have seen your website and look forward to some more amazing moments reading here. Thanks once again for all the details.

  35. Thanks for your own labor on this site. My mother loves participating in research and it’s really obvious why. A number of us notice all of the powerful medium you offer important strategies by means of your blog and therefore improve response from some others on the content plus my daughter is always understanding a lot. Have fun with the rest of the new year. You’re performing a superb job.

  36. I really wanted to compose a brief comment in order to say thanks to you for all of the great suggestions you are showing at this website. My particularly long internet investigation has at the end of the day been rewarded with really good details to write about with my visitors. I ‘d say that we website visitors actually are extremely endowed to dwell in a very good website with so many perfect individuals with useful concepts. I feel really blessed to have discovered your entire weblog and look forward to many more awesome minutes reading here. Thanks a lot again for all the details.

  37. I as well as my buddies were digesting the great tips on the website and then I got an awful feeling I had not thanked the website owner for those tips. Those young boys were certainly very interested to learn all of them and now have in actuality been enjoying these things. We appreciate you actually being considerably thoughtful and for picking varieties of awesome tips millions of individuals are really desperate to know about. Our sincere apologies for not expressing appreciation to you sooner.

  38. Thank you so much for giving everyone an extraordinarily nice possiblity to read from this website. It really is very ideal plus full of amusement for me and my office mates to search the blog a minimum of 3 times a week to study the fresh issues you will have. And of course, I am actually pleased concerning the attractive advice you serve. Certain 3 facts in this article are ultimately the finest I have ever had.

  43. Thank you so much for providing individuals with an exceptionally terrific possiblity to check tips from this blog. It is often so fantastic and as well , stuffed with a lot of fun for me and my office peers to search your website a minimum of three times weekly to find out the fresh things you will have. And lastly, I’m also actually fulfilled with your mind-boggling pointers you give. Certain 2 areas on this page are unquestionably the simplest we’ve ever had.

  44. I really wanted to send a small note so as to appreciate you for those superb recommendations you are posting at this website. My time intensive internet search has now been rewarded with incredibly good content to talk about with my good friends. I ‘d assume that we readers are unequivocally endowed to be in a fine site with very many brilliant professionals with insightful solutions. I feel very lucky to have come across your entire webpages and look forward to really more excellent minutes reading here. Thanks a lot once more for a lot of things.

  48. My husband and i felt really fortunate when Edward could carry out his homework using the ideas he got using your site. It is now and again perplexing to just be giving away hints that men and women may have been selling. We do understand we now have the website owner to be grateful to because of that. The type of illustrations you have made, the easy website navigation, the friendships you help create – it is everything astounding, and it’s letting our son and our family recognize that the matter is pleasurable, and that is highly mandatory. Many thanks for all!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.